There are over 58,000 names on the Vietnam War Memorial Wall. There were over 500,000 troops in Viet Nam in 1969. Marty Canavan is on the Wall as is John Maxon. I recently visited The Wall of Faces to upload a picture of Max and leave a remembrance. I don’t know why I survived this war. Most of the time I felt pretty sure I would, at least that is the impression I leave in most of my letters. Max didn’t and what follows is his wife’s letter asking me how he died.
“Dear Hippie, July 5, 1969
I feel as if I know you ‘cause John wrote home about you so much. I don’t know your address, but I’m hoping you will receive this letter through the Chaplain.
“I received a letter from John’s commanding officer last week explaining how his death occurred, but I still have so many unanswered questions. You’re the only one I can turn to.
“Were you with my husband when he was shot? On one of his tapes he sent home he said you were always right behind him. Please write and tell me exactly how it happened. I know John wasn’t careless and I feel he must have walked right into the enemy. Where was he hit and did he suffer? Did you talk to him after he’d been hit? I keep wondering if he knew what had happened and if he said anything. Was he taken to a hospital?
“I know John hadn’t been feeling well for quite awhile, but I know he was to strong to give up. We had such a wonderful future planned together and we were both living for the day when he’d be home. We were always happy when we were together and very much in love. You have probably heard a lot about me from John ‘cause he used to mention sitting up nights talking and I know a lot of it was about home. It will never be the same here without him. He was my whole life and future.
“I was notified on June 9th and John’s body arrived home on the June 14. The family received him, but we had the casket closed because John didn’t look like himself or the way we wanted everyone to remember him. The escort was a young man stationed at Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri, and this was his first job as an escort.
“The funeral was on June 16. It was military to some extent, but I had the minister who married us officiate and we had John’s friends for pall bearers.
“It has been one month today since John’s death, but I can’t seem to make myself believe that John won’t be home at Christmas as planned.
“I would appreciate it very much if you would please write me and tell me anything you can. I know you and John were close. He thought a lot of you. I pray that you weren’t hurt too. I heard there were an awful lot of boys wounded that that day, but John was the only one killed. You never know what is true and what isn’t. I am hoping to hear from you soon. Take care of yourself. Sincerely, Jeri Maxson.”
I’ve talked about memory before. I’ve repressed much of what happened the day Max was killed. When I described the action in my previous letter, I remembered it differently. I have no idea why. Also, up until today when I dove into this letter, I honestly thought it was from Max’ mom, not his wife. I don’t know when I received Jeri’s letter or even if I answered it. I really hope I did, because she deserved to know what happened that day. RIP Max. John Maxson can be found on the Viet Nam War Memorial on Panel 23W, line 76, and on the the Wall of Faces website.
